It’s Practically Unwatchable

As a huge (and I mean HUGE) fan of the original Practical Magic film, I had always hoped for a follow up. Last night, I saw the sequel. What follows is my review. Please note: There are major spoilers ahead. Also note: There’s no way to spoil what is already mostly rotten. Yeah, I know…Ouch! Sorry, not sorry.

When the original film adaptation of Alice Hoffman’s novel, Practical Magic, was initially released, I was in my early 20s and had yet to read the novel. When I saw the film, I was not blown away by the story (it is pretty “cheesy”, to use a Gen X-friendly term), but I enjoyed it for what it was and became instantly obsessed with the film’s aesthetic: the wardrobe, the hair, the town…That house! I wanted to live a life that looked like that. So much so, that ever since then, I worked to create my own little “Practical Magic-esque” world. My current home, while nowhere near as stately or impressive as the one in the film, is also very much decorated in the style of the Owens’ house: botanical wall decor, brown, cream, gray and green furnishings in an antique style, lots of candles and a rustic, slightly country style kitchen. Much of the fashion of and prints in my wardrobe are inspired by what Sally Owens wore in the film: long floral-patterned skirts, cotton cardigans in neutral, autumn tones and faded jeans. I have a Practical Magic inspired sticker (that I made) on the back of my car and I have a Practical Magic-inspired tee shirt (see photo above) that I still wear. I re-watch the film on DVD a few times a year and listen to songs from the soundtrack regularly.

Needless to say, I was thrilled when I learned that Practical Magic 2 was in production, and eagerly awaited its release. As soon as the tickets went on sale, I bought two in advance of the film’s opening night. My husband, God love him, agreed to see the movie with me, even though I told him it was going to be “very girly” and probably not the best film story-wise (after watching the original film, I read the novel, Practical Magic, which I found entertaining, and have since read The Book of Magic, on which PM2 is based. I didn’t like it.). I thought that the screenwriters would at least try to improve on the plot of the novel, but I was wrong. So wrong, that my husband slept through most of the film and he left the theater for a while, too. I can’t say I blame him.

The beginning of the film was the strongest part of the entire movie, both visually and story-wise. Most of the first few minutes of the plot is set in the beautifully re-created Owens house, a place I assume all fans want to see again, and focuses on the aunts, Frances (played by Stockard Channing) and Jet (played by Dianne Wiest), and the sisters, Sally (Sandra Bullock) and Gillian (Nicole Kidman). It seemed promising, but it’s all down hill after that.

The first issue, as is the case in the novel, is that Gary (Sally’s second husband, played by Aidan Quinn) is dead, and the curse, which was broken in part one, is now back. I know that’s the way Hoffman wrote the story in The Book of Magic, but why did the screenwriters have to stick with it? They made changes to the first story, why not take liberties here? The audience loves that Sally found Gary in the first installment. Bullock and Quinn had great chemistry on screen. Quinn is still a hottie. He should have been invited back! There is a line in PM2 where Sally says something like, “All love ends, it’s just a matter of who dies first”. If the writers really felt they had to kill off Gary for some dramatic effect, fine, go ahead, but at least do it towards the end of the film!

In the sequel, Sally falls for a professor (Ian Wright, played by Lee Pace) whom she knows for all of five minutes. There is no chemistry between the actors (perhaps because there was no time to develop any), and it’s extremely unrealistic to have Sally’s character, the supposedly level-headed sister, fall in love (a third time in two films), with someone she barely knows. Moreover, Pace’s character delivers THE MOST cringeworthy line of the film when he says to Sally something along the lines of, “I like when my molecules are close to your molecules. You know, chemistry”. I almost threw up in my popcorn bag.

Another couple lacking in chemistry is Kylie (Sally’s daughter, played by Joey King), and her boyfriend, Gideon (played by Xolo Mariduena), who acts more like an annoying younger brother than Kylie’s first love. King was very good in the film, but her talent could not overcome the lack of chemistry between her and her on-screen partner. It was so difficult to watch. She had much more chemistry with Solly McLeod’s character, who, unfortunately, gets turned into a demonic villain (again in about five minutes of screen time) later in the film.

While I’m on the subject of Sally’s daughters, I really wish Evan Rachel Wood was invited back to play Kylie. I missed seeing her. Perhaps King could have been hired to play the child that Gary and Sally might have had (It would have been great if they had a child). Moreover, Maisie Williams, despite being a decent actress, did not fit the role of Antonia, who in this film is completing her medical residency. In addition, no one wants to spend time watching hospital scenes, (yes, multiple hospital scenes!) in a Practical Magic film! Show us more of the house, the garden, the town, not some cold hospital room. What a waste of time! Side note: If you want to see some more of that stunning home, Architectural Digest has a great video of it which can be viewed here.

I thought another great opportunity was missed in not properly showing the progression of Sally and Gillian’s relationship as sisters and their lives as more mature women. The movie explained that the aunts make a living by creating potions and casting spells for paying customers who line up outside their front gate at night. When the aunts turn on their porch light, that’s the signal that they are open for business. After Aunt Jet dies, Aunt Frances turns off the light and turns potential customers away. Near the end of the film, Gillian says to Sally, “We’re the aunts now”. A great way to show the audience this without having to verbally tell them would have been to have Sally go out and turn the porch light on and to have the audience watch the customers walk up the path to the house (that would have made a great ending!). I saw a teaser trailer before the film came out showing Bullock’s character turning the porch light on, but it wasn’t in the film. Did it get cut, and if so, why? As any good writer knows, it’s better to show your audience something than to tell them. Another wasted chance to save this film!

The only redeeming parts of the film are seeing a bit of the gorgeous house and seeing Bullock and Kidman on screen together again. Their costumes and makeup are lovely, they still have a great rapport (though the script was really awful) and despite all of the plastic surgery they have apparently undergone, they are still beautiful. The last scene of the film takes place at a wedding. Bullock and Kidman look fabulous (I love Sandra’s dress!) and they make midnight margaritas. It was a fun scene, but not great. It didn’t save the film. I don’t think anything could. Maybe they could have conjured up a spell for that?

I was quite annoyed when the credits started to roll, but now I just feel insulted. The original film was released 28 years ago. Many of the fans of the original film are now in their forties and fifties. We’re sophisticated women who have lived a lot of life (that’s a nod one of the better messages in PM2). Why did the filmmakers (and this includes Bullock and Kidman who served as producers) think they could satisfy us with a horribly written script, a poorly cast production and a lackluster soundtrack, the only saving grace of which is the Mazzy Star cover? Even the one Stevie Nick’s track was a lazy pick. She has so much music to choose from and they decide to go with “Landslide”? From the looks of it, they don’t love the original as much as we do. They also don’t think very highly of us. They thought they could throw a “story” together and magically make money. Well, maybe, but in my opinion, this film wasn’t practical or magical. I’ll stick to my DVD of the original, thanks.

Look, I’m not a drinker and I do not promote the consumption of alcohol, but I have to say, if you’re a fan of the first installment of Practical Magic and still feel you must see the second installment after everything you just read, you may want to down your own “midnight margarita” before you do. You’re going to need it.